We all have some secrets in our past, even me. No I wasn't a teenage werewolf, but I was a twenty-something Internet Tech Rep. The majority of people on the web have at some stage or another called that 800 number, hoping that some computer guru will fix their connection problems in less time than it takes to boil an egg.

Ask anyone what their experience was like and you will get wildly different stories: some will turn pale and begin a tale of frustration and horror; others will beam with joy and tell you how Jeremy had them up and running in no time.

I could fill countless articles with the legends of what it is like to be a Tech Rep, but I will save that for another time and place. Here I intend to give you, the Internet user, some tips and tricks on how to get the best out of your Internet service and save yourself time and frustration.

First, of course -- no two Internet Service Providers (ISP) are the same, so these are just general points. As far as I am concerned, unless you are convinced that your ISP is absolutely reliable, and you yourself are very computer literate, then a free tech support line is essential. So with that said, let’s get on with the tips.

Tip #1: Don't be vague

There is nothing more frustrating for the Tech Rep than a person who calls in with a statement like, " I can't connect, there was some error message about something not working."

Of course you may have no idea what your problem is, that is why you are calling the support line. Nevertheless, good old-fashioned pen and paper can save you and the rep a lot of trouble.

Write down any error messages you receive, note down what you were doing immediately before you experienced the problem and make sure that you have your user id, e-mail address or whatever your ISP uses to identify you.

Tip #2: When to call

In the exact same way as it's often hardest to get on the Internet during peak times, support numbers are also busiest then. Most people still work 9-5 jobs, so they tend to call these numbers during the 5pm to 9pm range.

Calling during the 5pm to 9pm window increases the chances of you spending what seems like eternity listening to elevator music. If you can call outside of these times, you may be connected with little or no wait.

Tip #3: Don't take it out on them

If you are lucky, you probably get unlimited access time and full time tech support for your $20 a month. If you do the arithmetic, then it soon becomes clear that most of the reps you are talking to are making wages comparable with a retail store clerk or a fast food worker.

They do not own the company, create the dialer software or organize the allocation of access numbers. You will normally get faster, friendlier service if you are respectful when talking to the tech rep.

Tip #4: Explore other options

Any ISP that offers a free support line will also offer other help solutions. It may be a telephone/faxback option, or if you can, get to an online, web based help center; these generally are complete with documents and walk-through screenshots.

If you follow the on-line instructions correctly, you can solve a majority of all Internet user issues yourself. Also if you have explored these avenues prior to calling the 800 number, it gives you a stronger case to request that a senior rep, or their second level, contact you.

Tip #5: Take notes

I hope you are all taking notes. All reps will identify themselves at the start of the call. Note their name, so that if there is a reason to speak specifically to them, later you have a chance of locating them.

Some reps will also give you their last name, though most will not. Instead, ask if they have an ID or badge number that will identify them. If they give you a reference or case number, makes sure that you write that down, even if you think the problem is solved.

If the rep walks you through something you are unsure of, then do not be scared to ask "what are we doing and why?" Again write this down. This simple set of steps allows you to document with whom you spoke and what they had you do in an attempt to solve your problem. This audit trail can become extremely useful if the issue is not solved, recurs or if the solution actually leads to bigger problems.

Tip #6: Be a detective

There are several things you can do to help identify where the problem may lay, before you even place the call. If the guy down the street has the same ISP and access number and can connect fine, whilst you get dropped every three minutes, then the problem is probably not on the ISP's end -- it could be your hardware or a bad phone line.

If you cannot connect on your local number, try a long distance one or your provider’s toll 800 number. Only connect for a short spell of time as obviously it will cost you money. If you can connect fine on other numbers, there is a good chance your local number is having problems.

If you cannot connect to either number, then unless your ISP is having widespread issues, it indicates a problem on your end. Also, if you cannot receive e-mail using Outlook Express and you also have Netscape, try its mail program and see if that works.

By testing one scenario at a time, you are attempting to identify if the problem is on your end or theirs. That doesn’t mean that if you suspect a problem with your hardware, you shouldn’t call your ISP for help; it just means you have the hardware-related information to speed up the call and allow the rep to get to the root of the issue.

Tip #7: The hipbone is connected to the.......

You will not believe how seemingly unrelated changes to your system can affect your dial up connection. Installing that latest game that allows you to play with your friend on Heat.net may also make changes in the Network Configurations, which can make connection impossible.

Even installing a printer can cause problems, and if your computer is set up to connect to your LAN at work, all kinds of craziness can occur. Always tell the rep of any changes you have made to your system, even if they seem of no importance.

Also be careful to always tell them if this computer is configured to connect to a LAN, otherwise they can easily make that connection inoperable by mistake, and incur upon you the wrath of the scary guy in your company’s IT department.

So there you go, these are general instructions, and are mainly just common sense. Simple as they may be though, take it from one who was on the front line of the war that is free tech support: If you follow them, you'll find that call, when you have to make it, much, much more pleasant.

Also remember that there are countless ISP's out there. If your current one will not or cannot help you, don’t be afraid to look elsewhere.