"Mom, I want to ride on grandma's lap please... please!" cries my five-year- old daughter Rebecca as she runs beside her grandma's wheelchair. My mother lives in a nursing home, where for my daughter, every visit is an adventure; to me it's more often a source of stress.

I am a member of a group called "the sandwich generation." I guess you could define us as a rapidly growing group made up mainly of women, who delayed having children until our late thirties or early forties.

Now many of us are faced with helping our aging parents with home care, and simultaneously raising small children. In addition, many are continuing with careers and hold down full time jobs as well.

When you're the middle of the sandwich, it's easy to feel cheated. My mom isn't there to fall back on, to ask what to do when my daughter has a fever, or how to handle a kid sized problem.

This feeling of isolation is what lead me to the internet. I'm always looking for answers to questions about elderly care, legal considerations, and how to get support when I need it. I needed some camaraderie with women under similar emotional strain who belonged to the sandwich generation as well.

I found those answers and support as I researched, and surfed the web, becoming more and more fascinated with the communication tool without time constraints and geographical boundaries. So around two years ago, I knew it was time to start giving something back. Midlife Mommies was born.

My website deals with the needs and concerns of first time mothers over 35, and includes women starting second families. Many of my visitors are fellow members of the sandwich generation. I enjoy knowing that my experience and research are helping others find the support they need.

These days I receive letters from women all over the world struggling with the demands of care giving and parenting. In my Letters to the Editor page, one woman shares her story:

"I visit your site often. I'm 43 and have a 2-year-old son. While dealing with a young child and ailing parents can be difficult at times, I find having a child makes coping with my father's illness easier in some ways. I feel that a part of my dad will live on in a tangible way. And having a toddler who lives strictly in the here and now prevents me from dwelling too much on my dad's declining health. Finding your website has made me realize I'm not alone."

Good caregivers are experts at taking care of others' needs, and make keeping themselves healthy and calm a priority. If as care givers we don't get enough rest, exercise or the right nutrition, we too will get sick and that won't be in anyone's best interest.

There are never enough hours in the day for the mothers I know, and sandwiched-in moms feel the time crunch even more. Avoid health hazards that can easily lead you down the path to long-term stress. Midlife Mommies incorporates a treasure chest of tools to make everyday life a little easier.

Begin by eating right. Check out What you Eat is a page that concentrates on low fat food facts. Equally important is exercising regularly, so move on to Staying in Shape for some practical methods on staying fit.

Sometimes women approaching this juncture in their lives ask me for advice. I have compiled a few simple tips for making a smooth transition into the sandwich generation.

First, don't take on all the responsibility by yourself. If you have siblings, insist on their help. Adult daughters have a habit of becoming the primary care givers for their elderly parents; don't let this happen to you by default, take an active voice. If you are an only child, ask friends for help. Enlist the aid of your church or synagogue and family service agencies.

Discuss strategies for long term care with other family members. Having a plan really helps…it's a map to follow when the going gets tough.

Is there a will? Where is it located? Don't spend much time thinking about it! Just get one done and make sure all important family members know where it's kept.

Who should be named power of attorney? If possible, make that decision while your parents can still have some say. If that's not possible, then discuss it with other family members; above all, trust your own judgment.

All these are things to consider while your parents are still healthy. Having your parents involved in the decision-making can alleviate confusion and guilt feelings later. If your parents can't help, consult with outside agencies and an elder care lawyer for legal advice.

"Mostly, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class."--Anne Morrow Lindbergh--(1907)

Mothers and housewives in the nineties are more fortunate than the ones described by Lindbergh. When I can't get on a plane and take off, turning to the net can provide the escape I crave. Try to steal some moments during the day for a cyber vacation. Let your keyboard lead you on a stroll along a remote sandy beach in the Caribbean. Take walk in the Louvre and then climb the Eiffel Tower on a rainy afternoon. When I can't get away, sometimes my imagination and the internet are the next best thing.

Our visit to grandma is over and it's time to go. It's been a long and tiring day. My daughter and mother both need my help and it's my decision to give it. For my daughter, having an old grandma is better than having no grandma at all, and this five-year old still thinks her grandma's really neat.

"Come on honey, time to go. Kiss Grandma goodbye ". I love watching Rebecca give my mother her generous five-year-old hug. "I love you Grandma," she shouts running for the elevator.

As we walk to the car, I look back at the big, brick building holding my mother in its walls, and worry how to divide my time between the young and old. It's my heart that is in the middle, sandwiched between the two. My daughter is the future; my mother holds the past. In our community of care givers, the internet is the thread that binds grandmothers, mothers and children as we travel through cyberspace and time.

About the author:
Rita Kennen lives in Burlingame, California. She is a freelance writer and webmaster for Midlife Mommies, a parenting site devoted to the needs and concerns of first-time mothers over 35.