We began talking to each other long ago, on the telephone. When x2 (as the second ex signs herself in messages to me) was still married to our mutual partner, she and I (x1, naturally) were forced talk to each other whether we wanted to or not, because of our concerns about the child we shared.

Back then, our communications with each other were strained and polite, to say the least. We were experiencing lots of jealousy and anger toward each other, which was made worse by our lack of communication. After all, what we learned about each other was through a third-party filter: her husband/my ex, who was not exactly a reliable carrier of information.

After they had been married for a relatively long time, she told me that she had come to understand me better, and that she now knew why I had done some things during and after my marriage to the man who was now her husband. This revelation was one of those moments that stands out with vividness. Her acknowledgment that I was not "at fault" freed me from a tremendous burden of guilt.

Soon after this, they too headed for divorce court. It was during their separation that our e-mail correspondence began. She needed my experiences to prove to the court that his consistent patterns of behavior were detrimental to any type of married condition. She wrote that the information I shared with her about his divorce tactics helped her to call his bluff when he threatened to take their child away.

Immediately after their divorce he faithfully made the monthly child support payments ordered by the court during their separation. Shortly after, he stopped making those payments and later declared bankruptcy. He also lagged on his visits. Presents intended for Christmas 1995 had arrived in March 1996. Phone calls came less and less frequently. x2 was in dire straits financially, and her child was seeing a therapist because of fear of abandonment by her father.

I had talked with x2 about the Internet during one of our rather expensive phone calls, and she told me that she had e-mail. We decided to exchange addresses and send e-mails to each other, instead of running up both of our phone bills. We exchanged a flurry of mail about his deadbeat-dad status and discussed various strategies to get him to pay up. When I could, I supplied information about his finances that I was able to get from a third party.

Since then, we have developed a warm and somewhat amusing relationship with each other. Although we often trade horror stories about our ex and share belly laughs over his latest "stupid human tricks," most of the time we discuss everything else under the sun. We have gone way beyond the need to belittle our ex or take him apart. Instead, we have a desire to nurture each other, to help each other out as "sisters" would, and to listen to each other in times of need. I credit e-mail with bringing us closer together.

For example, x2 lost her mother last year, a warm and lovely woman with whom she had a very close relationship. I had met her mother years ago, before she had open-heart surgery, so I was able to sympathize fully with x2's feelings of loss over her death. x2 has been there for me, also, as I struggled with a major life decision about quitting a job I had held for almost 10 years and returning to school on a full-time basis.

I heard from x2 two days ago. It seems that she and our common ex-husband, officially classified as a "deadbeat dad," have reached a settlement on the back child-support payments and visitation issues. No doubt he was spurred into action by the signed arrest warrant sitting on the judge's docket.

In the meantime, our ex has remarried. Three women, three children, three different decades. x2 and I joke between ourselves that x3 will be joining us one day in our convivial little club, and we have considered sending her a copy of the monthly newsletter!